I've been thinking about thinking...which is weird. This is what happens when you have a day completely to yourself. Usually for me, thinking leads to the darkest of places, and causes fear and suffering to reign. Today I am determined not to let that happen.
Guy went to Indiana today to see his sister's opera. He left early this morning, and I left no time to settle in to the couch and turn into a mess. I went out, went to some thrift stores and bought even more grungy style clothing, went to Whole Foods to get my newest addiction; those delicious little rice snacks, and turned a 180 at the bank when I saw that the line went from here to Nantucket. Then came home again and wrote a brand new Broken Fences song. Took the dog for a long walk, started to feel that anxiety and am now sitting in a coffee shop writing this.
The coffee shop. What an interesting place. It's like a big living room! I came here because I didn't want to be alone anymore and just wanted to be around people, but not have to talk to anyone. Here one can observe how other people exist and get pointers on how to do so. It's just nice to be reminded that you are not the only person alive. And everyone has issues, big or small. Every single person in this coffee shop has an issue of some sort, and that's comforting in a weird way. If I can just keep that in mind, then I can relax and not be paranoid that the small smell of gas in our apartment just poisoned me.
I decided to order a cup of lemon ginger tea and a small piece of coffee cake. The coffee cake caught my eye because my grandma used to have coffee cake at her house almost every time I went over there. I miss my grandmas coffee cake, even if it was just store bought. It was the best because it was from her..
Nirvana plays in my headphones. Out of all the high school bands that I discovered, Nirvana has stuck with me to this day. I will forever listen to them I feel and could never get sick of them. They are a part of me more than any other band. Its my comfort food. And Kurt Cobain is my comfort zone. Some people may laugh or think I am lame, but we all have something that comforts us, I'm just not afraid to admit it.
Where will this night end? I'm not sure. It might end with hanging out with our good friends, Nathan Zoob and Emily. It might end with a movie. Who knows. All I know is that I don't want to go to that dark place that calls my name every second of the day. Not today, ok?
For now, I'm just going to sit here with my tea and stay on the computer and read my magazines, and everything will be ok.
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